Remember Me.

Dear Sunny,

I watched this movie last night, called Remember Me. It was a purely contemporary, historical fiction and I loved every bit of it, mostly because it reminded me about Fire In The Mountain.
It was raining really heavily last night. There was thunder and lightning, and sometimes I flinched.

Back to the movie.

Akka had pestered me to watch it so many times that I finally gave in and watched it. It wouldn't be wrong to say that it changed my life.

Death is predestined. Living is a gift. When you die out of external factors and not because you're ill, they probably end up saying that you were there at the wrong place at the wrong time. But no. Life is just too cruel.

It's one thing to wipe out entire families like a tsunami, or classic Pompeii's case, but another to rob the family of a member. And it got me thinking, these kinds of tragedies can happen anywhere, at anytime. And it is a constant reminder that we are destined to die someday. It's just like the movie In Time, except, we don't know when we're gonna die.

It's not scary. It's just sad.

Pari.

P.S. Sorry if I burdened you with too much of death. I know you don't like it much. But, hey, I'm gonna die one day and who's gonna write you letters, then?

Grown up

Dear Sunny,
I finally, FINALLY, realised that I've grown up. I'll tell you how:
I know that I'm pretty and beautiful and even if I'm not pretty in a socially accepted way, I feel it. I'm happy.
I am able to make decisions. and stand up to myself and what I want. I hope I'll be done following the crowd and pleasing people, soon.
thank you so much.
I remember you when I'm reading I'll Give You the Sun. Wish you were here while reading so that we both could enjoy the magical , enchanting words and plunge into the art world.

Love,
Pari

You should've been there

Dear Sunny,

Do you remember the last time I shed more than one tear? And the cause of it was not a book or a movie?

I don't either.

It happened today. I went to the bathroom and cried. Not much, but it was something.

And I wanted you to tell me that I'm strong enough to endure all this. That I'm strong enough to fight for those who love. That I'm strong enough to do something about it.

Love,
Pari

A National Tragedy

Dear Sunny,
Today, we lost an amazing person today.
He was the 11th President of the country. An amazing teacher. An brilliant scientist. A humane human being.
We lost Dr. APJ Abdul Kalam today.
We will miss him terribly.

Love,
Pari

What is happening to me?!

Dear Sunny,

As I'm growing older, I feel more uncomfortable of myself and more self conscious. I also feel bitter about it, sometimes, and I don't want to feel like that. You of all people will know.

 God, help me.

Love,
Pari

P.S. I had so much to tell you. I feel like I rant to you all the time. I hope I don't.

My bag today

Dear Sunny,
For the first time ever, my nag was light as a feather. Well, maybe not as a feather, but definitely light.
And then I came home and worked, compensating for my light bag.
The Universe is cruel.

Love,
Pari 

So many things!

Dear Sunny,

I want to be able to connect with art.
I want to read so many YA and non-YA books.
I want to watch a lot of theatrical movies.
I want to read a lot of manga.
I want to watch a lot of anime.
I want to work.
I want to write.

That's a lot of things. I know.

Thanks for listening, as always.

Love,
Pari

My crappy weekend

Dear Sunny,

This weekend was so hectic. And frustrating. And it's not even over. And it's only the second week of college.

I think it started with Thursday night. Akka, ever since she started travelling by bus, thinks that she's only person who works, who travels that far because she comes home late in the night, all tired and exhausted, as if she's done some manual labor. She sits in an A/c room, for goodness's sake! And she can't even try to understand what I'm doing or what I'm undergoing. I know how much pain I go through when I have to stand for half an hour ONLY, with a bag that's half my weight. And walk 3/4th of a Kilometer with that bag. And climb three floors and run across buildings with that same bag. Oh, and standing in the bus stop for, like, I dunno, an hour or so. Of course she overlooks all this because I'm not working. I'm only studying. Which is pretty easy, isn't it? I'm not helping anyone.

Apparently, on Thursday morning, she'd fallen in the bus and a few people fell on top of her when the driver braked hard. And that got her lactic acid pain. Gosh. She makes her stories so colorful. I feel like my going to college, or whatever it is that I'm doing is not worth anyone's time. Or I'm not worth their time. I think, this is the first time I'm accepting that I'm feeling this way.  

And, I have no grudge or anger or whatsoever against Akka. Not because she buys me stuff, but because she loves me too much. And thinks I'm all right all the time.

So, Thursday night, I told her my shoulders were aching, also my hand, but I didn't tell her. And she said, "I'm the one who fell in the bus, what happened to you?"
I tried to explain to her that the bus journey isn't what killed me and that I do five times the physical work that she does, but then soon lost interest in whatever I was saying.

Just let that sink in.

Then, Friday morning, I felt terrible. I felt like a dementor was hovering around me, about to kiss me any moment. I felt like that till I saw a good friend and hugged her. That's another story.

But a strange thing happened on the bus. My hand was aching too bad. I just had a very scary thought (Like my mother does sometimes) that what if I had to stop using my left hand and get an artificial one for my right? That's it. My life would be over. (Okay, so I know I'm being a little melodramatic here, but come on, I was going through a phase.) And I teared up a little. I know I'm being silly but there's no guarantee for an otherwise. One day, I've worked my hands so much that I will have to get that done. I'm scared. I'm scared of how that will affect me, scared of how that will affect my mental status. I'm not that stable as it is. 
I'm terrified. And no one's there to tell me otherwise.

Saturday. I was feeling a whole lot better on Saturday, as I dressed up to go to college. Then, I got a bus very early and direct to college. Classes were good. 

But, a Saturday is meant for BMTC disasters. As you know, Saturday afternoons have very few buses coming in and travelling on the road. So, I waited for more than half and hour for a bus with Prince, and yes! You guessed it right, with my bag. And, we got a bus in 4th Block pretty easily, and by then, I was half dead with hunger. I had eaten a third of a sandwich and two hash Browns. Yup. Like that'll help. And, even though I left at like 1:15 or something, I reached home a little after 3:15 in the afternoon.

Akka and Ma had gone shopping and as soon as I burst in, akka was all "Go to the room! I've bought you some stuff!"

I was happy, and I nearly cried when she also hadn't had lunch and also waited at the door for me to come home, I'd appreciate all that and more if she'd only not crowded over me like that. I wanted to slap her. Really.

Some weekend, huh?

There's one bright news, though! I became a class rep! It was unanimous. And fun not to vote for that stupid Aishwarya. (I don't care if I'm mean.)

Thanks for listening. Like always.

Love,
Pari

P.S. Kind of long, but I think there's still a lot more I have left to tell you.     

Privacy? LOL, nah!

Dear Sunny,

You know what I'm talking about. Or rather, who.

Pappa got me my letter and left me to read it in peace. Later, Pappa and Ma, both came to me and I showed them all the things my friend had sent me along with the letter: the most gorgeous bookmark, some Philippines cards, and a visiting card, sort of. Ma was about to take the card when Pappa stopped her and both agreed to respect my privacy.

A little later, she came in while I was writing her a reply and I told her about it (Obviously.) And I showed her all the things my friend sent me. And then she reached for the letter.

How dare she? She may be someone very close to me, but that does not giver her the right to read my personal stuff. My texts. Anything! 

I took it away from her, showing off the things inside it and then in her defense, she was "just looking to see her handwriting". Bull-effing-shit.

Why can't she just keep her curiosity to herself? I don't wanna share anything with her because she doesn't listen! She just goes on and on and on about how difficult her life is and shit like that. 

She always says Ma invades her privacy too much. What the fuck is she doing?!

Not so cheery,
Pari

P.S. I know you hate profanities, but I'm sorry. I had to sue them.

Being the youngest one

Dear Sunny,

You know how much I hate being the youngest one. I hate the feeling that nobody in my family takes me seriously. I hate it that I feel like I'm a burden. I hate it that I feel guilty for wanting something desperately. 

I talked it out with Akka, and she seemed genuinely hurt. I was so sorry that I ever brought it up.

Love,
Pari

P.S. Nothing much. I can't think clearly.

Brother

Dear Sunny,

I finally know what it's like to have a brother. 

He's not the closest of cousins. I don't even know what he is to me, but he's the closest I have to a brother.

Even though I love my sister, I always wondered what it would be like to have a brother. You, of all people, know that very well about me. 

I just wanted to say, I was happy. 

Love,

Pari

P.S. You should've seen me at the wedding. I felt beautiful. Like you always wanted me to. 

The Backstreet Boys

Dear Sunny,

You probably remember my rants about the Backstreet Boys: Show 'Em What You're Made Of not releasing here. Of course you do. And, today, I watched it.

And, I wanted you with me so, so, bad. 

If I thought I couldn't love the Backstreet Boys any more, I was so wrong.

I sat through the entire credits, not batting an eye, watching the mini screen next to the rolling credits, with tears streaming out of the corner of my eyes. Very unhappy that it ended, but ecstatic to have watched it finally.

And, yes, I know, I promised to watch it with Akka, but, come on, who could resist?

Damn. I can't think straight.

This documentary was of the Backstreet Boys: At their worst, at their best, at disappointing times, at the most amazed times. Nothing has been sugar coated. It says the truth. How they were boys, and how a life changing turn of events shook them up and turned them into men overnight. 

And how they lost sight of themselves.

The best part for me was how I was able to sing each and every fucking song they played. Every single one.

My only life fulfilling dream is to go to one of their concerts and lose myself for once.

I am so happy. 

I really wish you were watching with me.  

Love,

Pari

P.S. I changed my mind about Kevin. I respect him greatly. 

Results were finally out

I saw my results as soon as I fond out that they were announced. I was okay with it; happy that I passed, but really, really scared that I've let down my parents for the nth time in my life now.

They have such high expectations from me that sometimes, I just can't do it. They don't pressurize me that much, and that's exactly the problem.

Anyway, I held it in me for about three days until I had to crack. Obviously, they weren't too pleased with me.

I really wish you were with me now. Things aren't that difficult. But, I do want someone to talk to.   
Cheers!
Pari

PS: I'm quoting this directly from my diary

People don't measure you by your marks.

THAT IS JUST PLAIN FUCKING HYPOCRISY.

I know you remember it. 

 

Sunday Herald Short Story Competition is up!

I know how excited you were when I first entered 'A Wish For A Snowflake'. That was one of my greatest work when I wrote it.
This time, I'm submitting something that one piece of work that I loved and I'm proud of.
I only hope you are proud of me as well.

Cheers!
Pari

P.S Did you know one of my friends is also entering? She's one toughie. Wish me luck!